I have been talking to Mom everyday over the phone. Mom mostly didn't want to talk much. She especially avoid talking about her condition. She started coughing lately and the doctor re-visit proved that her lung cancer cells are growing bigger ;-(
It is so hopeless that I am so far away and can't to anything. I can't even take her out to the park when it is sunny day in Taipei. This is the saddest part, not about her cancer, that there is NOTHING, literaly NOTHING, I can do about her illness. Brother seems to agree with the doctor that Mom should try different chemo. Ag Gi and I think Mom should focus on Chinese medicine from now on.
Watching Mom suffer is really painful, but watching my own husband ignoring what is happening to my own mother and continue to smoke is even more painful. It is like I have this long term project waiting for me to take over.
Why can other people's parents live up to 90s but mine can't?? What did I do wrong? Or what did I not do enough?
I really hope, really/really/really/really hope that Mom won't suffer any pain. I hope that Mom will die peacefully and painlessly ;-( If God is fair like others said, then he should let Mom die peacefully and painlessly since she is already sick!
That's it! God already give the illness to my Mom, at least let her die peacefully, please!
About Me
- peihaha
- I am the youngest child of a Chinese immigrant couple in Taiwan. I was born and raised in Taipei, Taiwan in this middle class family. My father's first marriage that he left behind in China made him a depressed and quiet man. His marriage with my mother who was 18 when they married did not turn out to be a happy ending. Grew up in this resentment, love and hate relationship I was looking for the definition of true love. Moving to the U.S. allowed me the chance to start a new chapter of my life. Here I am, an independent and ambitious woman who is a wife, a mom, a worker, and a U.S. citizen.