Leigh, Leigh, Leigh......

It's been great the past month since our trip to Chicago during X'mas. We had fun ice skating, shopping, tour around UofChicago campus, driving town seeing different parts of Chicago. It was cold, but we had fun.

January was fine back to school. Leigh did well at school, at theater, etc... until the 2nd trimester when Geometry AC got harder, and theater MIFA competition got intense. Leigh was pretty stressed out. Reluctant to go to school because of theater rehearsal (light) started. Procrasnated doing homework all over again. It looks like 2 years ago when she was depressed. Friendship with Kenzi got soared even new friendship with Carolina and Marina got better.

Two weeks ago she got mad at me and I had to go pick up Lyanne from bus stop, she took 8 pcs of Abilify. Today she met with Jonathan Marin and she told him that she has suicidal thoughts because of all the stress. Jonathan recommended me took her to ER and get evaluation. We did. Went to ER, waited for 4 hours, talked to social worker and therapist. She was totally fine at the ER room. We looked at magazine and looked at shoes and clothes, etc. They weren't even sure if she needs to stay in the hospital or not. They wanted her to promise that she won't hurt herself. She couldn't promise, but we worked out a plan that she will let me know if she is not able to work things out herself and if she needs help. Sounds like a good plan.

We went to Chilis for dinner because Leigh really wanted it. We had a good time at the dinner. Got home, Leigh took a break and then came downstairs told me she has no idea what is going on in Math chapter 5 and they are going to have a test on this Friday. She said she was so tired and I knew she wanted my permission for her to just go to sleep and not worry about the test. I asked her what else she can do to get familiar with the materials. She refused to read the book and do the practices. I told her just go to sleep then. She did. When her dad told me I shouldn't have given her the permission and I defended that I didn't, bla bla bla, Leigh came downstairs upset that we were gossiping about her. That we shouldn't even talk about her behind her back, etc., etc.

Does high school even matter? Does going to college even matter? There are people that never go to college and are successful. She just needs to have one skill. It could be any skill, right?! Maybe we all have to change our expectation from her. Maybe she won't go to college then.

Sun seems to be out soon and the sky looks bluer and bluer every day. Things seem to get better even sometimes there is a sharp turn. Should I encourage her to stay alive regardless what she wants to do, or should I just stick to my standard and let her decide her life? What is the meaning of life if you live below your own standard, and that you know you are living below your own very standard of perfection. She will not be happy. I know that for sure.