Mom is home !

Mom went home on 2/16/2012 ! She was very excited and stayed awake for the whole mornign just so that she can come home with us. She walked up the stairs 5 stories with our support. She likes her new room. She walks from her bed to the bathroom with our support, too. So she doesn't need the potty chair any more, yay!!! Way to go, mom!

The anxiety between my sister, my sister-in-law and me are just intense. But we have to understand our good intentions and try to support each other.

Ati is great! I really like her. She is very kind, very patient, very humble and willing to learn. Most of all, she cares about mom. That's it! That is all I want is someone who really cares about mom. We went through the entire food/medicine/suppliment schedule and she is catching up fast!

Mom still feels dizzy sometimes but can eat with her mouth sometimes, too. Mom stared taking Tarceva on 2/13 so it's been 7 days. Hopefully the side effects are minimum.

Arthur and the girls are coming in the morning, yay!!! Mom will be very happy to see them.

Mom walked for a long time today with just a little help!

Mom has been having really good spirit these few days. Woke up cheerful, stay awake for longer time, willing to use potty chair, AND walked with just a little help from brother and me in the garden. She was doing great walking in the garden with just a little support from us. I think Mom can climb the stairs back home herself !! We think the energy drink from the Chinese medicine doctor is helping.

Mom started taking Tarceva today. I hope it will help her!

This morning when mom woke up she told me secretly that "she had a dream". I asked what kind of dream with a little fear that she drame of my father or my oldest brother ;-( Mom smiled and told me she had a dream that someone wanted to marry me. "Me?" Yes, a very rich man who owns a department store. "Wow.. a rich man wants to marry me?" Yes, "but I said no." Why? "Because if he marries you then I don't have anyone." That is the sweetest thing I have ever heard from anyone. Mom doesn't want the rich man to marry me because she wants me to be with her forever ;-) This is making me sad because I told her "I will never marry and I will live with you forever."

Brother's home is ready for mom to go home. Mom will see the Chinese medicine doctor at Tse Chi, and will re-visit the radiation doctor on Tuesday, and then she can go home !! Mom can't wait to go home. "What do you want to do the most when you go home?" I asked. "To live a normal life." Mom said.

So we plan for Mom to go home on 2/15, yipeee... the Indonesia helper, Ah Di, will come Friday morning. Let's hope all will go well with Mom's home-coming!!

Mom is progressing !!

Mom got off her bed and got on the wheel chair, wohoo !! She did it almost every day now. I pushed her around the floor and admired the Chinese paintings on the walls. She still keeps her eyes closed. I asked her why? It's too tire to open her eyes. She said. Can you imagine even opening eyes is tiring. I can't imagine sitting up, standing on the floor, walking, etc. Every little thing is taking all her energy.

Doctor said once mom is done with the radiation on 2/6 she probably can go home ;-) What a great news that comes with fear and worries. How is mom going to handle her routine at home? Even we hire a helper, is mom going to stay in the bed all day, still? Does she have the motivation to take control of herself and her action? I don't know. Mom does have the motivation to eat and to go to the bathroom herself I guess because it is not comfortable go potty in her diaper. But lying in bed and sleeping all day is comfoy, she said.

Radiation doctor told me this morning that once mom is all done with the radiation she will start losing hair ;-( Little by little ! Why does "hair" matter that much? Mom has been suffering from losing the ability to walk, to chew and to swallow, but losing hair seems to be the most miserable side effect to me. Why? I don't know. It looks sad, I guess.

Every time when people ask how old mom is, I try to boot up her age by responding 79 almost 80. Why? I feel ashamed that mom is suffering from cancer in such a young age, 78. People with good intention show sympathy about mom's young age, but I feel ashamed. It must be the kids' fault that a young mother suffers from cancer. I don't know. I just feel that way.

Sitting here listening to mom's snoring is very reassuring. Ah.. mom is alive and living strong! Many times I woke up in the middle of night with fear, checking mom's chest to make sure she is still breathing.

A friend told me not to think about losing mom forever, just go day by day. It is so true. Imagine I will never see mom again and never talk to mom again makes it untolerable.

It is not acceptable.