Good reminder of my own anxiety

D reminded me that my own anxiety might send a wrong message to Lily and caused a false expectation and therefore anxiety on her. That is a good point. I never, at least not any more, want Lily to push herself so hard or to be perfect. But my anxiety of helping her succeed so she feels good about herself makes her believe that I want her to be perfect. What a good point. These social workers are damn good ! So I need to relax and not mention any thing about Lily's presentation at school. I need to relax.

Lily is having some mini anxiety attack again. It must be the presentation coming up causing that. I am not good at coaching, am I? D told me what to say to Lily but I still didn't say it right, did I? Lily is having some flash and fainting feelings. She cut herself again last night and she didn't know why. Just felt sad, she said, but not sure why. She didn't want to go to school but I insisted and she went. I reacted matter-of-fact and told her she needed to get ready and go to school, and she went. D thought I did a great job. But later I felt sad and cried in his office. I thought it was the holiday music that made me sad, but I guess not. It's the morning event.

Lily is feeling hungry all the time. I emailed Dr. L to see if it's the Abilify making her hungry. We might need to test her sugar level.

Still haven't discussed Thanksgiving dinner. I am avoiding it, I know. It's so bad. But D and K have two different views on this. What should I do? I hope they all can have a big meeting about us - K, D, L and J. That way I don't get confused with what I should do.

I hope Lily will be happy with her presentation. It doesn't matter how it comes out. As long as she is happy with it, she gets an A already, to me.

I need to watch Lyanne, too. She felt I am spending too much time with Lily. Although I know it's not the case, but it's her feelings.

Today was a crazy day - I was 10 min late for Lyanne's school bus. Jessica is so nice, she let Lyanne stay on her bus until I got home and she drove her home. That is wonderful. Got to get a nice x'mas gift for Jessica.

I got to calm down and take it easy. Not working doesn't seem to help with my relaxation. So strange. I don't know why I am always so busy and always in a rush. I need to relax and just take it easy. Don't try to get too many things done in one time. That's the problem, Pei.